In the other articles Furnace v/s Fire 1 & 2, and The Disease of Arrogance I describe my fire experiences but only touched on my own, very real furnace experience. I have drawn comparisons between the two for context. Despite the ferocity of my fire experiences, which would seem sufficient to alter the course of anyone’s life, and the loud bugle calls that they are, my furnace experience was more effective to change me and the course of my life on almost every level.

For starters, it forced me into a cycle of deep reflection and introspection, without which character growth is impossible. It was not an event, like the fires were, it was the start of a journey which continues to unfold while I am on this side of eternity. It created a plethora of new norms which I was forced to accept. One of those norms was my view of the future. It became uncertain. What I had taken for granted and considered almost a birth right, and what I had leaned on for my identity was removed in the blink of an eye. Wealth, position, power, reputation, and all the associated benefits simply vanished. This was a time of great distress, but it also provided me with a better perspective of myself. God in His great wisdom, allowed circumstances to take place and then used them to disciple me.

Here is what happened.
In early 1995, I was still doing business off the proceeds of the sale, in 1987, of a successful business which I had started from scratch, and which had wrongly inflated my own perceptions of my ability to make a success of any future enterprise. It had led me to believe that I had the Midas touch. I had already had remorse about the premature sale of that business and had attempted to buy it back without success. By this time in 1995, I had already been involved in a couple of seemingly outrageous ventures, one of which was an alluvial diamond mine, where money is spent by the tens of thousands daily (even then). I was involved in some commodity trades with Francophone Africa and elsewhere. There were warning signs when my biggest customer, in Gabon, started stalling payments. I had not paid enough attention to the impending devaluation of the local currency used in West Africa, called CFA, which was linked to the French Franc. Overnight my debtors owed me a lot more than they had calculated, and this was used as the excuse for slow payments. I was not making use of letters of credit, which offer payment protection, because the process in Africa was cumbersome, especially for weekly shipments. I was self-funding all trading, and made the mistake of supplying that customer despite not being paid on time. When I finally stopped shipments, there was serious money outstanding. I was still doing other business and trading elsewhere, and was staying afloat.

During this time I also launched a product called ‘Eco Braai Logs’ which was a clean barbecue fuel substitute for ‘dirty’ charcoal, and which was made from compressed peanut shells. There are thousands of tons of peanut shells in the Northern Cape, which have no commercial value, and are a fire hazard due to spontaneous combustion. The farming Koop had found a way to produce the compressed extrudate, and had loads of stock on hand because they did not have a market. I saw this as an opportunity, and negotiated sole distribution rights. It was a sexy product and was easy to sell into the big retail chains with a national footprint. After establishing a distribution network in all the main centres, I launched a comprehensive TV advertising campaign. As soon as the TV ads started airing, orders poured in. We supplied out of the newly created and freshly stocked depots. Suddenly, after two months, we started running out of product. Visits to the factory uncovered woeful production rates for technical reasons. They were unable to keep up with our orders, and we were unable to keep up with the demand which we had created. Production ground to a trickle, and I had no immediate recourse. The retailers were also excited and had promoted the product through their own channels. Soon retail customers started complaining that they could not find what was advertised. Everybody was unhappy, and I was forced to abandon the venture. I became even more financially exposed, and I was no longer able to meet my financial obligations. It came to a head in September 1995.

I had married a lady who I had been seeing in 1991, because I wanted to obey God about sexual purity and morality. That is not the right reason for marriage, and it lasted while there was financial comfort. The financial situation strained our relationship to the point of hostility, and she decided to leave at short notice. She had also not been kind to my children in the lead up. This was not in the script. I was devastated and felt betrayed. October 1995.

While these events were playing out, my older son finished school, abandoned his post-matric studies, and joined an advertising agency. It was an out-of-the-ordinary job, odd hours, travel, creative and fun work, and even more fun people. It was a big party, meeting celebrities, and staying in exotic locations. He became fully immersed, and soon picked up a terrible habit involving a white powder. In the beginning, it was leftovers, but before long he was spending all his earnings on a habit over which he quickly lost control. Coincidentally, this came to my attention, you guessed it, the second half of 1995.

I had never expected or experienced any of these events, each of which would have been dramatic on its own. I was totally unprepared because nobody in my family or circle had faced these types of headwinds, and besides these sorts of things were not supposed to happen to people of good standing like me (did I hear the word arrogance?). That they took place simultaneously was an onslaught, seemingly from every angle, and there was nowhere to hide. I could not control or even influence any one of them. I had fallen off my perch, and was in freefall. To add insult to injury, while I was wrestling with these events, I became ill from riding in the rain, and a common cold turned onto bronchitis and then pneumonia.
This was a furnace. Everything I had taken for granted, like financial stability, a healthy marriage, and trouble-free children, had vapourised. My expectations were being re-shaped. My reality was forever changed. This was not a planned or routine circumstance, nor the plan I had for my life. Every part of me was being overhauled. I did not understand what was going on, and I could not make sense of it. How could my life have spun out of control so quickly? There was no way out without God’s help. Without Him, I might have crumbled. He kept me up, strengthened me, comforted me, and gave me hope.

The future became, and still is a mystery. This is something with which we all battle. Our human nature wants to predict an outcome, and tends to take tomorrow for granted. We all like to think we have control of our lives, our careers, our health, and sometimes even other people. The truth is that we have little control over anything. I was being forced to rely on God instead of myself.
“Where did I go wrong?” was a question I started asking myself. This a great opening question for intentional introspection. The past cannot be changed, but we don’t need to make the same mistakes in the future.
Proverbs 16:9 says that “man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps”.

The bank started asking questions and soon froze my facilities. Summonses began arriving. I put my house on the market as there was equity in it, which I planned to use to settle things like credit cards, personal overdraft, petrol card, and the outstanding balance on the car. My son moved in with me, which was grand when he was there. He was dealing with his own troubles, and would often disappear without trace for days on end. This was the hardest test. There were days when he would go out, and not be home by the time I went to bed. I would leave the lights on for him and would wake up in the night to see all the lights still on, and I knew he had not come home. There was a knot in my stomach as I tried to go back to sleep. I would again keep the lights on in the hope that I would find them off when I woke up in the morning. This scenario could play out for several days at a time.

The anxiety was whether he was safe, or even alive. There was the ongoing possibility of receiving a phone call from a hospital, a police station, an accident or crime scene, or even a morgue. While he was gone all these options were on the table. Once, he hitched a ride to somewhere near the Kruger Park in the hope of possible employment as a game ranger. I think he ran out of options and slept in the open. Another time he hitch-hiked to Port Elizabeth, and yet another time he popped up in Cape Town and stayed with his maternal grandparents until they put him on a train back to Johannesburg because he had misbehaved. I had absolutely no control, and it was heartbreaking watching my child in so much turmoil. The first lesson is that we can never run away from ourselves, and the second is that we cannot run away from God. He was there all the way discipling, correcting, protecting and preparing behind the scenes.

All the while, with so much attention aimed at my older son, my younger son was feeling abandoned. His older brother was being a bad example, and his father was struggling for survival. He had unmet needs which showed in his academic results and other behavioural patterns. This added to my sense of powerlessness as I was unable to offer comfort or help. I knew only that both my sons had taken the decision to become Christ followers and had been baptised. They had God on their side, and He would protect them.

I became involved with Nar-Anon which is a twelve-step program for friends or relatives of drug addicts, like the one for Alcoholics Anonymous. I became familiar with the ‘Serenity Prayer’ which is used to open every meeting, and which goes like this:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference”.

It remains a great daily prayer, whether involved with an addict or not.
To reach as broad a membership as possible, God is referred to as a ‘Higher Power’ in the program. On the first day, as I read the first step which reads:
“We admitted we were powerless over the addict, that our lives had become unmanageable”,
I remember saying to the group that I was not the one whose life was out of control. I was not there for me, but for my son. They pointed out that my son’s behaviour was causing chaos in my life and that it was out of control, without them even being aware of my other challenges. They were right, and I soon realised that I needed the program as much as my son. I became so involved that I was chosen to speak at the annual conference attended by hundreds of delegates. As a born again, Spirit filled Christ follower, my understanding of who this Higher Power is quickly enabled me to grasp the concepts of the program.

Gradually, as I accepted and adapted to the new realities of my life, with a huge helping hand from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I began to rebuild a meaningful existence. I was starting from below zero, but some of my dreams had not been snuffed out. Although my self-confidence had been severely dented, and my self-worth questioned, my self-esteem remained intact. This is how the Lord works. He does not want to destroy us, our potential, or our purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 spells out that He does not want to harm us, but rather to give us a future and a hope. Verses 12 to 14 assures us that if we call on Him and seek Him wholeheartedly, we will find Him, and that He will bring us back from our captivity. This speaks of restoration and redemption. I read and re-read the book of Job, and took comfort in his eventual restoration.

The journey from those tumultuous days in 1995 was not easy. It took some years to adapt to being vulnerable and to an uncertain future. The carefree days of the past were over. The steps were tentative. The belief of invincibility had vanished. It was impossible to ignore the events which had led me to this point, and I found it difficult to forget my former position of privilege which I had taken for granted. The contrast between the two was stark. I meditated on the words of Jesus in Luke 9:62 which strongly recommends not to look back; especially not hankering after the past. My ego had been destroyed. I was reeling like a boxer on the verge of being knocked out. I had lost my sense of significance and direction. I was in a storm at sea without a rudder.

I sold the house with the intention of settling all the small debts, but the bank took a different view. They used the proceeds to diminish the business debt and took legal judgements on the small accounts which were in arrears. Instead of one judgement, there were five. They were punishing me. It seems that it is a terrible crime to owe the bank money. The judgements were not the end of the story and did not absolve me of the debts. The law has changed since then in that once the bank has realised any assets, no residual debt remains. It seems fairer. I wish it had been the law then. Instead, I remained indebted to the bank for years and eventually came to a mutual settlement which removed the debacle from their records.

With the help of a distant contact who had heard of my fall from grace, I started making flavoured salt, primarily for popcorn, which I sold to Ster Kinekor and Nu Metro cinemas, as well as various sweet and candy shops. This was a pioneer product which is still in use today.

Another business connection thought it would be a good idea to relaunch the Eco Braai Logs with a different ingredient. This time it was saw dust. We bought a small factory in the heart of sawmill country, and I was given a share. It was not as sexy as peanut shell, and the national retailers were weary after the first Eco Braai Logs had failed. They did not make any extra effort to help me re-enter the market, as they had done previously. Nevertheless this was a second step to get back on my feet. I was still fragile but looking forward. At least I was back in the market, had a purpose, and was meeting people.

Being an active member of my church was priceless, and survival would have been much more difficult without the counselling and prayers of the pastors and home cell members. I also received several prophecies that God would restore my finances, restore relationships, and redeem my time. This has become very meaningful as the Lord has moved me on to what I do now, as a coach and teacher on leadership and personal growth.

Life has carried on from there in its altered state. I depend on the Lord more every day, and I know that God rewards faith as is clearly written in Hebrews 11. He has been true to His word by providing, sheltering, restoring, and blessing me. There remains no certainty of tomorrow, but by trusting in the Lord, life is an exciting adventure. I may not know what tomorrow will bring, but I trust in the One who is leading me. He continues to bring significance to my life, even in my later years. I am grateful for the discipleship and learning opportunities which serve me so well.

As in every one of my articles, I write only from lived personal experience, for the glory of God. I make use of several Bible versions, as well as many reference books from a wide variety of Godly and reliable sources.
I thank The Lord for the privilege of His discipleship in my life.
I do not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished in me, as an instrument for His glory, so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift, and in so doing, bear some fruit.
God bless every one of you, as you live and learn.

Please refer to The Salvation Prayer on the website if you want a direct connection with the creator of the universe, and are seeking love and peace of mind, for now and for eternity.