If unmet expectations are the foundation of disappointment, then managing disappointment must also mean managing expectations. There are two types of expectations; those which are linked to our own actions, and those linked to things or events over which we have no control. Other people’s reactions and responses fall directly into the second category. We have no control over anyone but ourselves. And even then, we often disappoint ourselves, because despite the best planning, our choices may not produce the best or desired outcomes. Disappointments often illustrate the limits of our control and afford us an opportunity to re-assess our situation, whether in a business environment or in our private lives. The more confident we are of obtaining a good result, the more we feel let down when it does not turn out the way we hoped or expected.
Disappointments should cause us to re-evaluate our expectations. Learning to manage disappointment is an important step in personal growth and maturity.
Therefore, it is important to classify and adjust our expectations constantly, day by day, and minute by minute. The first step is to assess what level of control we have over the situation, which is hardly ever total. There are very few things we can trust completely like gravity, day following night, or certain mathematical equations. Much of everything else is subject to variables, particularly the human element, so it is dangerous, foolhardy, and a gamble to expect an exact result in any situation. Every situation, business or personal, requires objective assessment. Disappointment, like failure, is a hardship, and when well-managed, prepares us for the future. Managing disappointment does not make life storm-free but helps us weather the storm.
Many of our disappointments come from living in denial, or from unrealistic expectations, or from expecting a positive result when too much is left to chance.
Living in denial is refusing to accept reality and pretending that certain things taking place around us which are having a negative impact, are not happening. Living in denial can also come from our own distorted and unrealistic point of view. Living in denial means not accepting the facts or ignoring them, postponing acceptance, and not taking appropriate action. The results of living in denial are never good, always lead to a worsening situation, and can have major impact on our business and personal lives. Living in denial sometimes promotes behaviours like toxic positivity, or expectations that the same repeated activity will produce a different result. Living in denial prevents us from having a healthy outlook on life.
In my experience unrealistic expectations occur when we focus on the destination and try to avoid the journey. We are expecting to arrive more quickly, with less effort, and without any pain. The desire to see a result causes us to skip steps, and to behave erratically and inconsistently. Unrealistic expectations often cause us to abandon projects in the face of an unexpected difficulty instead of persevering until we find a solution. When we assume that we can naturally move to a destination without being intentional and without personal growth we fall into the Assumption Gap (Ref 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, John C. Maxwell), and then easily fall into the next trap which is the Expectation Gap, because we ‘thought it would be easier than this’.
Joining the Maxwell Leadership stable has provided me with incredible opportunities for personal growth through introspection and evaluated reflection of past experiences. This introspection is not designed for me to find a place where I can feel sorry for myself or indulge in a victim mentality. On the contrary, this type of reflection is an honest, and sometimes brutal, assessment which provides lessons to propel us forward into a future where we are better equipped to deal with life’s uncertainties. One of the tools which I have access to is the Maxwell DISC Personality Indicator Report, which I have used on myself (and which I recommend to any leader or aspiring leader).
It uncovered a defect in my in my risk assessment of projects. It turns out that I often neglect careful planning and have tended to jump into projects without thorough consideration. It is the way I am wired. I wish I had known this earlier in my life. It is a blind spot. If I had been aware of this critical little detail, it may have prevented several failed initiatives, much regret, and heartache. Over the years I varied my product range, my customer base, my sales environment, my territory, and my services. Despite some very creative and innovative ideas, many of the projects went flat. I now realise that the one common denominator was a poor assessment of potential pitfalls. Due to this weakness in my business makeup, I followed several ‘dead-ends’ which consumed time, effort and money. With hindsight, I now know that I need an accountability partner who is aware of this blind spot, and who will force me to look at potential projects from many angles. I would say that these disappointments illustrate what happens when too many steps to reach the desired outcome are left to chance or rely on luck.
To manage disappointment in business, we need to evaluate our own risk profile (as I did above), the risk of the venture versus the potential profit, eliminate potential blind spots, and plan for double the effort, time, money and difficulties than originally expected.
The list of causes for disappointments is almost endless, but our attitude when faced with them determines whether they break us or grow us. Being prepared helps us avoid the emotional peaks and troughs of unexpected disappointments, whether they arise from poor choices or by accident.
The one thing we can control is our attitude, and therefore the speed of the toboggan in life’s roller coaster ride.
Disappointment is part of life. Everyone experiences it, and it cannot be avoided. The reasons can be trivial or may require time and intentional effort to overcome. No disappointment or failure, however traumatic, should take so much control of our emotions, that it becomes an unbearable burden to be carried for the rest of our lives, derailing our future. As unfair, unreasonable, and impossible as it seems, life may pause for a while, but it doesn’t stop. We still have to face reality. Learning from the experience depends on our attitude and remains a choice.
Accelerated Growth specialises in growing potential and preparation for a better future.
