Witty figures of speech

• Where there is a will, I want to be in it.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you…but it’s still on my list.
• Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
• We never really grow up…we only learn to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
• Change is inevitable…except from a vending machine.
• Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and then call whatever you hit the target.
• Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• You are never too old to learn something stupid.
• The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
• The problem with trouble is it usually starts out as fun.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• What’s more important, the journey or the destination? The company.
• Common sense is not so common.
• Too much of a good thing can be truly wonderful